Meet the Chairman of the Board

July 19, 2012 - 12:13pm -- allison

When he was young, Fraser discovered his life’s calling: chewing on stuff, particularly rawhides, underwear, and socks. He was born in the mountains of North Carolina to the legendary Rusty and Roxie.  His young life began with the frequent chewing on cabinets and the hand that fed him.  As he got older, he began exploring the hedonistic spirituality of engaging strangers’ legs.  At age 2 he was bitten by a hairy, yet surprisingly intellectual old man.  This scarred his sensitive emotions, but gave him uncanny powers of understanding and discernment.  At age 3, he peed like a boy dog for the first time, helping to clarify his adolescent gender confusion.  Upon completion of his education at the Sorbonne, he began his new career as a neurotic who can sleep anywhere, yet is comfortable nowhere.  He now lives a tortured existence as hippy-dog trapped in suburbia.  His greatest joy seems to be running from the law with socks in his mouth.