Patience and Meaning

June 5, 2013 - 8:54am -- fraser

Why the hell is it that so much of life makes me have to wait for...whatever?  Lately my big patience thing is all about this radio show that I'm supposed to start hosting (Road Signs on 106.5 fm or on Sundays from 10pm-midnight).  I mean, I have been given this remarkable chance to host a rock radio show about music that has meaning and that matters as much for its meaning as for its hooks and riffs.  It's been one delay after another, some probably because of me and others because of raw circumstance.  So I try to wait and wait until the time really comes when my voice hits the air--now the proposed date is June 16 (how fitting that it would be Fathers' Day, huh?)--but the truth is that I am not very patient.  The truth is that some part of me still thinks it isn't really going to happen, which shows just how hard up I am for affirmation about something I'm really into.  I know, I know: anything worth doing requires risk, hard work, and patience.  Ugggh!  Patience.  It's so stinking annoying to have to wait, especially when I finally feel like I found something that just makes sense to me. Of course,I've also found that patience is the best to get my head right, to get my mind focused on what it needs to deal with, to calm my own soul so that I have some sense of balance.  Sure, patience with the world around us, with ourselves, with our circumstances, and with our dreams is difficult, but it's also very necessary for our well-being.  The thing about the things we have to wait for (funny phrase, there) is that need for patience is a reminder of the importance of what we're doing.

I've struggled with the connection of Connecting Road to my radio stuff and to the music that so much of the time soothes my impatience.  What I've landed on--and maybe I'm a total fool in this--is that Connecting Road is all about connection, grass-roots connection of people.  But why should it matter if people ever get in touch? Why should it matter if people ever do anything together?  Why should it matter if people relate to music or religion or philosophy or service or beer or whatever?  Why should it matter?  In the whole thing that I've had time to think about it(while waiting for the show to begin--ugh!!), I realize that there is some instinct in us to find meaning, to make meaning, to give meaning.  That's certainly part of why we need each other as humanoids: something mystical, karmic, spiritual (or whatever word you dig) happens when we share experiences.  That's part of why we get totally energized at concerts, I think.  But not just concerts.  One time I played a song for my brother when we were on a road trip together.  We turned up the music loud and it filled the car and flew out the window to wherever, but somehow the song felt even more powerful because I was with my brother; I even noticed lyrics and riffs in the song I'd never noticed before.  It meant more suddenly.  That kind of energy could either evaporate or it could end up being part of something bigger, something that might actually release more good energy into the world and something that might actually end up making a difference in life.  That's what I want Connecting Road to be.  I just want to a bunch of other cool people in the car with me on this trippy road trip--folks who can be patient and impatient with me while we look for things that matter.